Its as if oxygen is not enough to satisfy me yet its the only source of air. Im running out of time and unsure of what to do. Im just waiting and may be missing out on the things i have to or want to fulfill time is no longer unlimited and life is therefore not as I know it. Creating horrible unstable and possibly dangerous territory

Just a thought

The strange thing is just last night I was at my friend Alyces prom dancing to Jackson. As always when listening to his music my heart beat a little bit faster because of the passion in his music. The next day he dies... its devestating

A tragic loss to the music world

I cant believe the king of pop is dead. Its so unreal. I was a huge fan of Michael Jackson threw thick and thin and have stood buy him when other condemned him. I am devastated that my hopes of hearing the continued musical brilliance of Michael Jackson once again will never be fulfilled. The music community and the world itself has lost a tremendous talent and the King of Pop will never again shake up the music industry, rocking the charts. The funny thing is how everyone now praises Michael even those who wouldn't dare speak praise of him after his public scandal.

Always changing myslef so as not to hurt other people why cant i just be me

Please dont trap me

If there was a day i started believing in love at first sight today would be the day but its just lust as we all know unfortunatley i havent been home in 3 days other than to grab a shower and clothes and ive been doing frieght since i got to this reched place so was all sweaty and frazzled for this grand occasion

I think we have confined the defenition of relationship to much in an intimate sexual and freindship way. Society has become so fearful of pedophillia and inappropriate relationsips weve made certain relationships in specific those more along the lines of friendship all inappropriate even though they are tottaly kosher. Weve set so many bounries that we are limiting comfort innovation creativity and over all peacefullness. Were trapping ourselves in a very very lonely box. Which can destroy a society. I do my best to fight such boundries and push against the stifling ideas of our society. I wish more people would and that more people would be cooperative and willing to fight on the opposite end. Its really a shame:(

Why do they call it cum stains cum doesnt really stain? Shouldnt it be cum spot or something?

urgent

Right now kitty is on her way to the hospital and stuck her in Newfane so very far away. My mom wouldn't let me go cause she said it wasnt an emergency and I can't keep driving after 9 cause im gonna get caught. Im so furious with her it is a fucking emergency. If something were to happen to my grandmother I would never forgive her for not letting me go... I know I dont mean that but its how I feel right now. On the phone with Cory at the end of our conversation of him telling me what happen I heard the ambulance sirens turn on rushing her away and it made it all so real. It made me realize the urgency of the situation because suddenly it was life and not a party. I'm so upset and afraid Kitty means the world to me and I dont know what i would do without her. Shes so tuff yet so fragile. Every time something happens it reminds me of how close we all are to that line between life and death. And how try as we might we have absolutely no control over it. What happens happens and thats that and I dont know if im strong enough to handle it.

Im having a love affair but i cant tell u with who or rather with what

The boundries of sexuality are not so easily defined so why do we try so hard to define them and fit into them

I often tell people that I say what i think too often because it gets me in trouble. But the thing is that there are so many things i dont say because I know that people will refuse to except them as true And they will respect me less and value my opinion less because of how very afraid they are of what this person(me) is saying being reality. I am not afraid of being thought off or even hated as a radical but i want people to atleast take into consideration what i have to say which is why i censor my most radical of radical thoughts from the general public. In hope of being able to do more good... Because atleast this way we can get something acomplished rather than nothing because I failed to be diplomatic in my approach which is confrontational as it is.

Wasting time

I was talking with my mom and she pointed out to me that I only have about 2 and a half months till I go away to college. I was shocked. I cant believe how fast the past few months have gone by. It's very intimidating. I really want a change of scene and I want new challenges in life but I'm afraid, and I also dont want to leave behind the things and people I love. I feel like I have been wasting valuable time that I could have been scraping up every last bit of the things and people I love working at a place I hate. I'm overworked and underpaid and im not sure that it's been worth it. But it's to late now.... the problem of the present and future is what the fuck do I do about it? I feel like im gasping for air and the air im gasping for represents me trying to take in everything im going to be losing....*tears*

An interesting adventure my friend hopefully i will keep counting

Regan destroyed the fucking environment from rolling back cafe standards to slashing renewable energy funding to striping the white house of its solar panels we could have been so much farther ahead instead we are facing a global crisis and quickly running out of time

The bat crisis

This is the first time I have heard of this disease or the falling population of bats and i will be doing more research and sharing it with you soon

RICHMOND, Vt.— The Center for Biological Diversity and 60 other national and regional organizations sent a letter to members of Congress Wednesday requesting increased funding for research on whitenose syndrome, a disease that has been devastating bat populations in the eastern United States over the past two years. Scientists are predicting that if current trends continue, several species of bat may be extinct in just a few years. The cause of the illness has not been definitively identified, and no cure is known.

Bats are crucial insect eaters and pollinators whose loss could leave devastating gaps in ecosystems and profoundly disrupt the food chain.

The letter was signed by scientists, farmers, and conservation, wildlife, sustainable farming, and antipesticide organizations. Biologists predict that the widespread loss of insecteating bats will lead to burgeoning bug populations, including those that attack crops. Increased use of pesticides on farms may result from the bat dieoff.

"Action is needed now to stop whitenose syndrome from wiping out our bats," said Mollie Matteson, who spearheaded the letter campaign and is a conservation advocate for the Center for Biological Diversity. "Although sometimes superstitiously feared, bats serve a critical role in the food chain. Their loss would mean more insects, more pesticides, and a lot less healthy environment."

Bats have a low reproductive rate and are very slow to recover from population declines. Some bat populations, decimated by loss of cave habitat or outright persecution decades ago, had slowly been making a comeback with the help of conservation groups and wildlife agencies. Now many of these efforts have been undone in a matter of 24 months.

Whitenose syndrome was first documented in the winter of 200708 in bat caves near Albany, New York. It has since spread to eight other states, affecting six species and killing bats in their hibernation colonies at rates up to 100 percent. The malady is associated with a previously unknown fungus that invades the bats' skin. It does not appear to pose a threat to humans. Whitenose syndrome has been spreading and is currently heading for Kentucky, Tennessee, and other southern and midwestern states, where some of the largest populations of bats in the world reside.

Nina Fascione, vice president of field conservation programs at Defenders of Wildlife, helped enlist the support of other groups for the letter to Congress. She said: "Biologists have been scrambling to figure out why the bats are dying, but they've had very little resources to work with. We're asking Congress to help provide those resources because we don't have the luxury of time with this illness. We can save the bats, but we may lose them if we don't act now."

Acknowledgment of the problem is growing. Two weeks ago, the threemember Vermont congressional delegation released a letter cosigned by fellow members from 13 other states, asking for their colleagues' support in addressing whitenose syndrome. In addition to the letter sent by the Center, Defenders, and other groups, individual Center activists have sent over 57,000 letters to their representatives in Congress, asking for emergency action. A hearing on whitenose syndrome is scheduled for the House Natural Resources Committee on June 4.

Other signatories on the letter include Bat Conservation International, National Wildlife Federation, Beyond Pesticides, the Humane Society of the United States, and Women, Food, and Agriculture Network.

Contact Info: Mollie Matteson, Center for Biological Diversity, (802) 434-2388 (office); (802) 318-1487 (cell)
Nina Fascione, Defenders of Wildlife, (202) 682-9400
(www.enn.com)

Reminders of why were on earth

I had the most interesting experience today with Jessies mom. She is thinking about taking Tyler which would be a great thing seen as the owners of my barn are about to have me killed for money I owe them. So we went to see Tyler today which is an experience I admit that I was nervous about. It turned out great though. I think she really likes Tyler and it was an interesting experience. The car ride there was intriguing cause I got to see Jessies mom from a totally different vantage point then I normally do. It was the first time I have heard her talk about her childhood in any way and it was interesting to here a small sampling of her recollections of her father. She is her own unique being and while I dont always get where she is going with some of the stuff she talks about she is a great conversationalist none the less. while there we bonded with Tyler which was very pleasant and the car ride back was just as interesting. I offered up some herbal sustenance's for when we got to my house but Amanda had to work and Jessies mom... also Amanda didn't really respond. So we said goodbye and I went inside. Then I get a phone call from Jessies mom and I answer thinking she needs directions to get back to transit but instead she says I just remembered what you offered up in the van does that offer still stand and I was like ya of course come on back. So she came back and we went up my room to enjoy our herbal...bowl... also known as cereal, bubble gone, cleaning the attic, or eating a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Now I have gotten to know Jessies mom (I feel weird referring to her as Amanda) over many circles of fun and sharing she is normally more of an observer of our conversations rather than a participant. But today it was just the too of us which created a very new experience for both of us. Everything we talked about was to do with something in my room wether it was a book on the floor or a poster on the wall. We talked about so many things some whimsical recollections and others deep conversations. We talked about artists and concerts and experiences of storms to fires. we talked about priests and protests and deceptive people. We talked about negative work environments and hate crimes. She told me of her fear of how I "advertise" myself... more particularly my homosexuality and how I could fall a victim to hate crimes because of it. We talked off the people we know and experiences we have had with them. We talked about many many things from snow globes to coal. She made me feel very good about myself. She appreciated the things that I fight for in society and the stands that I take against injustice. In the end after discussing family photos on my wall she told me how glad she was that I was in her life and in Jessies and how she thought we were all good kids combatting those people who bring evil to the world. She offered her shoulder to lean on whenever I need support no matter what and then we hugged and said our goodbyes. It was a very touching experience.

Obama Administration taking a stand for automobile emissions controls

I am so excited about the Obama taking up emissions regulations in automobiles on a national level. This is bold action and though I'd like it to be bolder nothings perfect. I rarely have felt the Obama administration has taken great strides in anything but in this case they have. The question is how aggressively will they pursue it and will they be successful?

The hate that we have to fight is still alive and well. For anyone who thinks that homophobia does not threaten peoples lives in the "more liberal" areas of the country and or state think again. Recent hate crimes are the proof. We can not run in fear but rather continue to take a stand. Ghandi and his followers tryed to cross a military barrier that was blocking them in there peaceful protest they were beaten with poles one by one but they got back up going to the gaurds without so much as raising a fist they were repeatedly beaten until the guards were overwhelmed and the people were able to cross even if many of them were bruised and broken. It remains today as one of the strongest public statments in the history of the world. It is time again to revive the lost voice of the public and too once again make a peacful statment that shakes the social and political structures of every country on earth.

"one day Ill fly away. Leave all this to yesterday why live life from day to dayand dread the day when dreaming ends?"